Spent a day off by myself. Visited a photograph museum to see an exhibition I discovered this morning, went to a shrine famous for helping visitors to cut ties with those who bring bad luck, and bought a book at a bookstore a friend of mine had suggested me before. My girlfriend went to a birthday party thrown within her friend circle, so I was not with her during the day.

We had a break-up conversation yesterday, which took a whole day and was rather emotionally draining. It ended up with me agreeing to her plea to give us one more chance to make things work for us. Yet, we had quarrels last night as well as this morning like aftereffect of that hours of conversation, and I have come to know that I have reached my limits; or, more like, I realised that I have limits, not capable of handling this relationship while keeping ignoring my needs and sacrificing myself for her joy and pleasure, and could not hold any longer the stress I have carried. I know that the stress does not consist only of her behaviour, so it would not be faithful to myself if I had tried to convince myself that it is. I am very much tempted to do so – it is evidently a sign of temptation to manipulate the situation exploiting reasons at hand (well, she manifested a whole series of signs of the manipulative, which turned our conversation to that in which we both sought to manipulate the conversation. So it was quite difficult for me not to be pulled into her way of argument). I need to make it absolutely clear to myself that it is not all her fault. I have carried some issues as to trust, self-esteem, self-understanding, and self-acceptance, and they obviously constitute the stress which I have been poorly dealt with. It is more important than anything to focus on them first and foremost, and try to cope with them.

I texted her about how I get drained by the way she left the room untidy. She said she was sorry, which I imagine she tried her best to say so. Things will be better, and it is already getting better. I decide to believe so.