The alarm didn’t go off this morning, but I woke exactly at 7 o’clock. I thought my body might be more accurate in discerning the surrounding than I normally perceive. The morning passed rather quickly. Creating an excel file I had to share with colleagues of mine, discussed it with my superior on the phone, wrote a few emails, and the noon came. I tried to take a break just for 5 minutes, yet my mind got a little frantic and couldn’t rest. I know it was because I ate a little too much carbohydrates at lunch; it is now my habit, and I shall stop as soon as possible. I did notice that I didn’t even want to have them.

Reflected on my girlfriend’s attitude on the day we had a conversation on our break-up. I had thought that she disregarded the fact that she expected me to calm her anxiety without even telling me what she was really anxious about, and ignored a lot of words and actions that she exhibited in front of me over the last several months. So, her attitude appeared to me incredibly self-centred and blind to the stupidity of her logics where my words and behaviour were taken out of context and judged on their own. Her self-justification and accusation against me sounded nonsensical, and she didn’t listen to me nor say sorry genuinely. Since she reacted to my words, and never responded to me, I felt powerless in having a conversation with her. I could feel that bits of disappointment were piled up in my chest, and I couldn’t move my body that was fully stuck in that pile.

When I reflected on it today, however, I found that it could be seen she was true to herself in deciding how much she admitted her faults. She might have been true to herself in terms of how much she assumed her responsibility for the miscommunication and the lack of respect and caring for the other. Whether it should be praised or criticised, I thought it is a solid attitude from which I could learn something from.